Donald at the Bat – Day 1435c, Gravity (parody to ‘Greensleeves’ to celebrate Christmas today)

 Gravity  (Tune: Greensleeves)  (1)


One summer day while Newton lay in Lincolnshire on vacation

An apple fell and rang his bell and Isaac began contemplation.

He said, “It was gravity that made the apple fall on me.

“I had a thought I could use,

“That came to me while I was snoozing.”


He calculated, integrated, then exclaimed, “Aha! That’s it!

“The same force guides the flow of tides and holds the moon in its orbit.”

He said, “It is gravity that ties the motion of moon and sea.

“All masses attract in space

“And gravity does the embracing.”


Then Einstein thought on what God wrought and space and time’s geometry.

Could stars and gas or other mass deform space in their vicinity?

He said, “I think gravity results from spatial deformity.

“Thus, objects in motion swerve

“Toward dimples where spacetime is curving.”


So where are we with gravity and modern formulations?

Shall how mass acts as it attracts forever frustrate new equations?

We wonder if gravity will crunch the cosmos finally.

Meanwhile, here on Earth its drag,

Means some day your boobs will start sagging.


Stephen Baird, 2000.  Revised 2016


  1.  Isaac Newton was born on December 25, 1642, or on January 4, 1643, if you use a modern calendar adjustment.  The birthday of Jesus is also celebrated on December 25, though scholars think he was probably born in the spring, when shepherds would have been out in the fields with their sheep.  Jesus has had plenty of songs written about him, so “Gravity” honors Isaac Newton.