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Vladimir Putin, Humanitarian? - Steve Witkoff’s vision can’t be clear,For, face to face with Vladimir,He said in words that seemed sincere,“You’re a humanitarian.” (1) Steve needs a new optometrist,Perhaps a psychotherapist,Or else a sociologist,Vlad's a totalitarian. As everyone must now suspect,We must conclude Steve’s words reflectThe fading of Trump’s intellect,A dim octogenarian. Was this… Read More
Have a Sandwich with Jesus
- Connecticut Court Reminds Everyone That ‘I Don’t Feel Like It’ Is Not a Religion October 22, 2026A Connecticut judge has upheld the state’s law eliminating religious exemptions for school vaccine requirements, closing out a four-year legal battle in which families argued that being required to vaccinate their kids before sending them into a room with two dozen other children violated their religious liberty. The court, apparently familiar with how diseases work, […]
- Man Climbs Massive L.A. Billboard to Personally Correct Jesus’s Theology October 18, 2026A billboard towering over Los Angeles carried a message some viewers considered theologically incorrect: a denial of Christ’s divinity. Rather than write a strongly worded letter, start a petition, or simply keep driving, one man decided the appropriate response was to climb the structure and paint over it himself, correcting the record to read “Jesus […]
- U.S. Commander Reportedly Informs Troops That Jesus Personally Anointed Trump to Go to War With Iran October 15, 2026Somewhere between the strategy briefings and the supply chain logistics, a U.S. military commander reportedly took a moment to inform troops that President Trump had been anointed by Jesus Christ himself to wage war on Iran. We assume this was delivered with the same tone of matter-of-fact authority usually reserved for weather updates and mess […]
- Virgin Mary Allegedly Spotted in Rwanda, Church Launches the Paperwork October 11, 2026A group of children in northern Rwanda say they witnessed an apparition of the Virgin Mary, and within days the sighting had drawn thousands of pilgrims to the area, all hoping for a glimpse of something that, by definition, only a handful of kids actually saw. The Catholic Church, ever cautious about these things, has […]
- Florida Man’s Big Chipotle Date Turns Out to Be a Police Sting, Shockingly October 8, 2026A 52-year-old man showed up to a Delray Beach Chipotle expecting a romantic rendezvous he’d arranged online. What he got instead was a set of handcuffs, a felony arrest, and the mild indignity of getting caught on a livestream watched by strangers on the internet, because in 2026 even your worst life decisions come with […]