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A Way Out of Iran - Our oil companies swim in cash; we thirst for fossil fuel,The sad result of Donald’s and the Ayatollahs’ duel.The Strait of Hormuz, closed by them, and now by our blockade,Has raised gas prices everywhere, the mess that Donald made. With fertilizer, gasoline, jet fuel in short supply,The world knows where… Read More

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  • 69 Billion TikTok Views Later, Teens Have Decided Witchcraft Is a Personality April 24, 2026
    The kids are not alright. Or maybe they’re extremely alright, depending on your feelings about witchcraft. WitchTok — TikTok’s thriving occult subculture — has now accumulated 69 billion views. Billion. With a B. Teenagers are learning spell-casting, tarot reading, crystal work, and “manifesting” from their phones, and entire cottage industries have sprung up around Etsy […]
  • America Finally Gets a Pope. He’s From Chicago. April 20, 2026
    For as long as anyone could remember, the conventional wisdom was that the United States — the world’s lone superpower — would never produce a pope. Too powerful. Too political. Too much of a lightning rod. The cardinals would never do it. Then on May 8, 2025, white smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel, and […]
  • Florida Man Hides Gun Under Prosthetic Breasts at Construction Site, Claims Costume Party April 17, 2026
    We need to talk about Matthew Zaccarino, 39, of Florida, who was found alone in a vehicle on a private construction site in the early hours of December 14th, wearing a red lace bra, G-string, and a pair of prosthetic silicone breasts. Deputies discovered a loaded 9mm pistol on the floorboard. The prosthetic breasts, upon […]
  • Florida Man Celebrates Birthday by Stealing a Tourist Train. On Meth. Picks Up Passengers. April 13, 2026
    Most people celebrate their birthday with cake. Maybe a dinner out. Jonathan Patrick Winslow, 57, of Key West, chose differently. On July 4th — his birthday, and also America’s birthday, which feels significant — Winslow approached a Conch Tour Train employee, claimed he used to work there years ago, and asked for “a tour.” What […]
  • CONFIRMED: Jesus Has Been Spotted at the White House Easter Lunch April 9, 2026
    We’ve been waiting years for an official White House Jesus sighting. It happened on April 1st. Yes, April Fool’s Day. We cannot stress enough that this is not a joke. At a White House Easter lunch attended by over 100 faith leaders, Trump’s personal spiritual advisor Paula White-Cain stepped to the mic and compared the […]