May 20, Autocratic Male Hormones (Warning! R-rated poem)

May 20, Autocratic Male Hormones


If Kim Jong Un watched Tucker and he tanned his testicles,

Would he have more testosterone and larger genitals?

If local ladies loved him, then he might not need “the bomb.”

He’ll go into the locker room and “drop trou” with aplomb.


We know that Putin beats his chest and acts like he’s King Kong.

Like Kim, he’s proud he has the bomb, but what about his “schlong?”

Would Putin have more confidence if he watched Tucker’s show?

And, if he tanned his testicles, would that make his schlong grow?


And then, of course, there’s Donald Trump, of “pipi piccolo,” (1)

Which Stormy says is mushroom shaped and she is one who’d know. (2)

For Trump to tan his testicles—since he is over fed—

His tummy keeps them in the shade; he must stand on his head.


Both Kim and Putin are quite short, of unknown “pipi” size.

The “grande” term may not apply; they’re not Italian guys.

We have no independent judge, like Stormy, to assess.

They both control what’s in the press, so we’ll just have to guess.


And, what of Tucker’s androgens?  Do they test high or low?

Is he a man of “pipi grande,” or of “piccolo?

Did Tucker take his own advice to boost testosterone?

Or, like his vaccination status, will that stay unknown?


Do all these autocratic types need a male hormone boost?

Or would the world be better off with androgens reduced?

If ladies liked them better, do we think that they’d calm down—

And wouldn’t seek Carlson’s advice to turn their scrotums brown?


  • The Italian aphorism is: “Uomo piccolo, pipi grande. Uomo grande, pipi piccolo.”  Little man, big peepee.  Big man, little peepee.  Italians are not particularly tall.
  • Stormy Daniels, the porn star with whom Trump had a brief dalliance. Although she signed an NDA, word slipped out that she was unimpressed.