Now that all references to anything that may be construed as DEI are being proscribed by the Trump Administration, including even the name, “Gay,” (1) we must now begin to scrub some of our Christmas Carols. The first obvious candidate is “Deck the Halls.” Sing the first verse and you will see the problem immediately.

This song was originally a Welsh carol that was later put into English by a Scotsman. Because of various difficulties that arose in rendering 16th century Welsh into English, the Scotsman, being parsimonious, inserted a lot of “Fa la la la’s….” probably just to save work. A more thoroughly researched version follows, so you can see how truly shocking this song is.

Deck the Halls with boughs of holly,
We bought a lot of plants on sale this year.
‘Tis the season to be jolly.
How about a glass of wine or beer?
Don we now our gay apparel,
As advertised in Gentleman’s Quarterly.
Troll the ancient, yuletide carol.
And get just a bit disorderly.

See the blazing yule before us.
Means that we can turn the lights down low.
Strike the harp and join the chorus.
Sing along with Guy Lombardo. (2)

Follow me in merry measure,
Is a quaint way to ask you to dance.
While I tell of Yuletide treasure.
Oops! I spilled my drink on both our pants.

Fast away the old year passes.
Outside there’s a lot of ice and snow.
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses,
And those who aren’t sure which way they go.
Sing we, joyous, all together;
Then there’s just one more thing we should do.
Heedless of the wind and weather,
Well, it’s time for bed, will you come too?

(1) Even a picture of the Enola Gay, the bomber that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, has been removed from the Defense Department building. Colonel Paul Tibbets, the pilot, named the bomber after his mother.
(2) Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians’ version of Auld Lang Syne (1951) has become the standard. It needs to be re-recorded by a real American. When Canada becomes the 51st state, it may become acceptable again.