April 30, The Levator Ani Award
The Levator Ani muscles support the pelvic floor,
Thereby preventing rectums from prolapse out your backdoor.
One might conclude these muscles quite literally support
All human assholes everywhere and all that they export.
The Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, Grammys, and, of course, Nobel,
Reward achievement in the arts and sciences as well.
These prizes, widely celebrated, as you’re all aware,
Are feature stories on TV, both here and everywhere.
Perhaps it’s time for an award, not for what’s been achieved
But for unwavering support, though one has been deceived,
Immune to reason, truth, and facts and what the experts say.
A Levator of Anuses, who’s faithful, come what may,
To worship a huge asshole through all he or she has done,
And all revealed absurdities condemned by everyone,
Means ignorance and faith, mixed with stupidity, combine,
To make nonsense and criminality a holy shrine.
Who might be nominees if we now had such an award,
Whose winners are decided by a fair, impartial board?
The anal osculator, Pence, whose faith in Trump has lapsed?
Or Rupert Murdoch, whose support of Tucker has collapsed?
Or is continuing support required to earn the prize?
Can one stay in contention if their sphincter’s compromised?
Assholes abound, as we all know, as do their acolytes.
Should we demand devotion that exceeds Mt. Everest heights?
I have a name in mind for the inaugural award,
Supporting one who is adored, and equally abhored.
Tremendous asshole, self supporter, this man stands alone,
The prize should go to Donald Trump upon his golden throne.