Ted Cruz for President

If you like your politics down and dirty
Have we got an ace for you.
He’s lean and mean and young and purty,
An old-fashioned buckaroo.
He cares for the kiddies until they’re born
And shepherds the sheep until they’re shorn.
He’ll punch Obama on the chin
And lead Pickett’s charge again.

Big news! Ted Cruz
Is runnin’ to be President.
No shit! We’ll git
The Liberals out of government.
Let’s choose Ted Cruz
To be our country’s purgative.
Just pass Ted’s gas.
We’ll get our Conservative.

If you want your government mean and nasty
Then you’ll really like our guy.
It’ll take someone who’s really rasty
To slice us more of the pie.

The poor are part of God’s own plan.
God’s laws should not be changed by man.
So poor folks, sick or brown prepare-
For Cruz is gonna keep you there.

Like Ted we dread
A black man who is President.
Distrust, disgust,
Kenyan born and fraudulent.
No way, Jose
We should have Obama Care.

Ted’s smart. He’ll start
To welcome bigots to his plan
And say, “No way
Global warming’s caused by man.”
Of course he’ll force
Creationism into schools.
J’accuse Ted Cruz
Of founding his campaign on fools.

©Stephen Baird, September, 2013