Since Trump wants to be on the ballot, let’s pretend he’s there.
He thinks he’ll help the GOP, thoughts skeptics do not share.
We’ll have a referendum on his tariffs and his wars,
And immigrants and ICE and prices at our grocery stores.

He hosted a convention down in Dallas for Midterms.
But all the seats did not fill up; were folks afraid of germs?
Some sycophants first praised him; and Trump spoke both afternoons.
And, after that, they dropped some red and white and blue balloons.

Trump made a promise he won’t keep, so we’ll record it here.
If Republicans win Congress, we’ll all give a huge cheer.
Trump says he’ll send to all adults a big check for five grand.
The total cost, a trillion bucks, so our debt will expand.

He made this promise in his usual rambling diatribe,
And legally, this constitutes Trump offering a bribe.
We know that he won’t pay it since he doesn’t pay his bills,
But Donald’s promise gave his sycophantic MAGAs thrills.

We’ve had promises of checks before: cash that never came,
For tariffs, Covid, DOGE savings, a standard Trump con game.
We might save more than five grand each; just choose another route
And stop the war and tariffs and throw all the Trumpists out.

The last thing Donald asked the crowd: to raise their hands and swear
Their loyalty to Donald Trump, his narcissistic flare.
And then he asked they further swear that they will, “cheat like hell.”
(Or else he’ll face impeachment, possibly, a prison cell.)

So Donald Trump told everyone his campaign strategy:
It’s bribery and cheating, acting in tight synergy.
We cannot be surprised, since all the warning signs were there.
For Donald never plays it straight, and MAGAs do not care.