November 13, Dear Old Congress A song for Kevin McCarthy (1)
Republicans may win the House with just two votes to spare.
And that means dear old Kevin may become the Speaker there.
He’ll have to deal with Jordan, Gaetz, and Margie Taylor Greene.
His House will be the biggest mess that we have ever seen.
They’ll pass no legislation; writing laws is such a bore.
They’ll try impeaching Biden, though they cannot say what for.
Must they keep kissing Donald’s ass? The caucus won’t agree.
They cannot get a damn thing done; they have no unity.
Shake hands with Jim Jordan and Margie Greene and do not lose your grip.
You know you must make deals with them to win the Speakership.
Shake hands with Stefanik and Steve Scalise; they’re loyal to you now.
You’ll have to keep them all in line, though no one knows just how.
Although the party’s fractured, there are some things you can try.
Subpoena and investigate, perhaps the FBI.
There’s Garland and the DOJ, subpoena everyone.
The only problem is there’s nothing wrong with what they’ve done.
Or, you could raise the price of drugs, pass an abortion ban,
Stop sending arms to save Ukraine, for Trump is Putin’s fan.
Can you risk pissing women off, especially the youth?
You’ll make yourselves as welcome as an abscessed, aching tooth.
Chorus: Shake hands with Jim Jordan….
Meet Gallagher, Baragan, Higgins, McClintock,
And Murphy, McNeeney, McKinley, and Moore.
McGovern, McClaren, McCallum and Conner,
Moloney, Buchanan, and then one more Moore.
There’s Gosar, McHenley, Fitzpatrick, and Kelley,
And Scanlan, Fitzgerald, and Doyle and Joyce,
And Connolly, Mooney, and Carey, Lynch, Mullin,
McCaul, Boyle, Gohmert, they all want a voice. (2)
Shake hands with Jim Jordan and Margie Greene and do not lose your grip,
You’ll have to make some deals with them to win the Speakership.
Shake hands with Stefanik and Steve Scalise; Matt Gaetz, the chief coxcomb.
Will you feel welcome in their House or wish you’d stayed at home?
- May be sung to “Dear Old Donegal,” written by Steve Graham and first recorded by Bing Crosby in 1946. A delightful parody was composed and performed by Alan Sherman in 1962. I commend both for your enjoyment.
- Not all of these names of House members are Irish. A few of the most problematic right wingers are thrown in to illustrate the depth of Kevin’s looming problems.