The Levator Ani is a muscle group
Supporting the orifice through which we poop.
If someone’s an asshole and folks support him
The Levator Ani Award’s meant for them.

“Supporter” and “asshole” need to be defined.
Very strict definitions must be assigned.
An asshole must be truly detestable,
Abhorrent, loathsome, and abominable.

Supporters must have ignored all evidence
And appear to be lacking in in all common sense
The job of the anus is excreting waste.
The truest supporters show they like the taste.

A true, raging asshole makes ani look bad:
The bovine, the equine, and human, unclad.
Supporters, therefore, must have flaws of their own,
Which let them kneel down to a flatulent throne.

Invertebrate, perhaps no ethics at all,
Agonadal as well, not one single ball,
Now that we’ve defined the precise indices,
Which persons exhibit all these qualities?

The panel of judges is all in accord,
The very first winner of this new award
Is Speaker, Mike Johnson, whose nose is stained brown
From slavish support of the flatulent crown.

The asshole supported is well-known worldwide,
Flaunting credentials he does not try to hide.
There’s no need for asking to whom I refer;
When his name is mentioned, all others defer.

For more nominees we will take assholes first.
In each calendar year, we will take the worst.
Then comes the supporter who gets the award.
Decisions will come from an impartial board.

Nominations are open; send yours on in.
Let our judging panel rule who ought to win.
No deadlines for now, but we will let you know
Of our decisions at next year’s awards show.