Post Date: 10/17/2004

The Rapture of Dolls

Note: We wish this were true, but alas it is an urban myth. However, this would not surprise scientific gospelists because it would be a good example of irrational thinking so prevalent among people unaccustomed to making data driven decisions. It is still worth posting for humor content alone.

UPDATE! Either the writers of HBO's "Six Feet Under" researched newspaper archives or visited this website, but the story you are about to read was the weird beginning to June 20, 2004's show. Strange - a story that was supposed to be true became an urban myth and was taken as a storyline for a fictional T.V. show that specializes in weirdness and the macabre.

An AP report from Arkansas City:

A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof, an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming, "He's back, He's back! and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year old Georgann Williams, who was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," Said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene.

Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which floated up into the air. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said, "Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."
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